What would I do with a day to myself?

This summer I lived in a camper. It was on our property so my kids could take turns spending nights with me and get some one-on-one time with mom in a really fun way. Nevertheless, I moved out of my home with the intent of finding out who I am, other than a wife and a mother. Years ago I had hopes and dreams. I knew who I was and loved adding wife and mother to the resume. Until recently, when a dear friend asked me what I would do if I had an entire day to myself?  My answer to him was "I guess I would clean my house or lesson plan." The hopes and dreams and goals had vanished over years of being a stay at home mom, through many homeschool groups and church committees and volunteer opportunities. I homeschool my three boys and have for seven years now. I learned to be a faithful wife as I cared for my husband through thick and thin, and vise versa. I didn't know anything about myself other than if my husband and my kids were to disappear, so would I... I would never find my way back.

Late June of this year I had a wake-up call. Not important what it was, only that it almost broke me. Everything I worked to build meant nothing to me. I wanted to get in the car and drive... I just wanted to leave my life. Instead we bought the camper.
                              I enrolled in a course over the summer which led to a renewed passion for life outside the four walls of my house, and into the woods. I am earning my degree as a student of nature. That's right, I am going to be a naturalist. I will work with the department of conservation in creating better children's programs to hopefully connect kids with wildlife in a new way, actually an old way that has been lost. Lost in a world of technology and playgrounds and theme parks. I hope to bring back the fun I had as a kid hiding under leaf piles waiting for my brothers to find me... noticing the interesting little critter crawling across my path. Swimming in the lakes near my home with a boy I loved as a kid. Some kids know these ways, but many don't. I hope to share stories and routines with them that may guide a new generation to a lost way of life.
                          I am proud to write that I know who I am again as my bare feet touch the ground and my hands reach to the sky in a morning sun salutation. I step out of the camper and love looking at each blade of grass as I walk back up to the house. I am a mother, and a child of Father God and the nurturing Mother Earth. I am a wife, a woman who loves a man. And loving a person through hard times isn't a sign of weakness as the world once told me, but a sign of tremendous strength. This summer I thought nothing more of myself than a possession, easily disposed of should anyone in my life leave me. So I left to find my strength. And as my husband will attest, I am a beautiful, brave, intelligent person, who has sacrificed everything for him and my children. I am not sorry for those sacrifices, only for letting myself disappear in the process of caring for my family. I couldn't expressed this a few months ago. I didn't know that I could be and individual and still give all my heart to these wonderful people I live with. 
                                     I have discovered a missing piece, long forgotten. I have a passion for the earth, getting my hands dirty, reading field guides as treasures passed on to me by my ancient ancestors. I love Hatha yoga, working in my home apothecary filled with oils and tinctures and dries plants and herbs, and I find myself most when writing in my journals. I am so much more than I remembered the beginning of the summer. I thought I wouldn't survive. My heart was crushed, I almost left my husband. (fyi, he didn't do anything wrong so I hope my post isn't alluding to that) And I knew nothing of who I am at the core.
                I am happy to end the post in the middle of a big mess, literally. I am packing up my camper, getting ready for the move into our new home next month, well on my way to getting my degree, and madly in love with the man I married. Homeschooling is a joy and lesson planning and mentoring my children is not a burden, but a dream that would crush me if taken away. I love the lifestyle homeschooling affords us, the closeness and taking part in the natural art of learning my kids work hard to achieve. I taught three people how to read. I taught these boys how to treat a woman and hold a door for one as they walk into a building at the same time. I taught them to love and the art of forgiveness as they have taught me so much more. Sometimes taking a breather is necessary. I didn't tell many people early this summer that I was separating from my husband, because I knew it was only so I could find myself and then come back to him. Neither of us doubted that the end result would be a healthier, stronger marriage. When we move to our new home on October 10th, I move back in with my dear hubby. I am nervous... what if I go back to being nothing more than a housewife? But after a few deep breaths, some yoga poses, and my essential oils to relieve me more than medicine ever could, I know that I will never lose myself in a man again. I am half of a whole and he is my best friend, as it should be... but I am an individual as well.
          So, what would I do with a day to myself? Sketch the wildflowers in my backyard. Dance around the house with lana del ray so loud the neighbors could hear the music, and work on strengthening my yoga poses while meditating on the goodness of my life. Reading the classics on my bookshelf. And maybe some lesson planning thrown in there if I need my fix of homeschooling.
Live your dreams.
Love,
Jackie